My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
