I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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