it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
And then he peed in my hair
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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