You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
