She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
