In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
