i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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