Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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