Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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