Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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