Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
