The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
