I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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