i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
