I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
