hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
