Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
