he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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