wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
