Having a random hookup so left but love u
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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