my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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