I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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