Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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