could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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