just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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