cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
