Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
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I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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