Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
