from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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