I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
