She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
