Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize