Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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