Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
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Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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