1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
