wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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