It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
