i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
