the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
