Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Drake has all the answers
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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