and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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