How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
