Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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