I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
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I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
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I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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