I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
