"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
