I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
