We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
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You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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