I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
