She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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