I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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