my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
No subtext here. People are naked.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
