Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My hand turned me down
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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