Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
