YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
