you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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