It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
