One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
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I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
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I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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