I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
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...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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